A Simple Cemetery Visit

This past weekend I returned to my hometown and visited the cemetery where so many of my family members are buried. I usually visit every month or two, but this time, it had been about six months since I’d been back. Visiting the cemetery was ingrained in me as an important practice when I was quite young. My dad tended to not visit often. He would say he “visited everyday” in his heart, which I found to be just as meaningful. Others in my family treated it as a bit of a ritual for honoring loved ones. Having lost my mom at such a young age, I often walked over for a cemetery visit just to sit. By going there, I felt I could somehow process missing her and finding my way without her by my side.

For Christmas recently, my daughter and her partner gave me a book called Over My Dead Body, by Greg Melville. They of course knew of my love of cemeteries. They were also aware of the graveyard photos I’d done over the years and had in local art shows. I’ve always loved cemeteries, beyond making simple visits to loved ones, and beyond doing genealogical research. I mean, I dragged my new husband along to historic cemeteries on our honeymoon in Massachusetts… Those historic cemeteries are captivating, as anyone familiar with the area knows.

Over My Dead Body ~ a mini review

In Over My Dead Body, Melville explores our relationship with cemeteries and with how we tend to “treat” our dead. He focuses on the history of American cemeteries, ranging from the prosaic and rather humble, to the extravagant and even outrageous, burial grounds. His work researching American cemeteries and the country’s funeral practices took him around the country, from old New England sites to burial grounds of the enslaved in the southeast, to cemeteries of the rich and famous in California. It is a relatively short book that is pretty quick reading, but it offers heartfelt insight as well as a ton of fascinating facts that many of us might not know otherwise.

There are many who do not like going to cemeteries. I think for any of us involved in genealogy, it’s kind of a given; a love of or at least respect for cemeteries seems built-in. Others might be creeped out or spooked by them, or simply not see the value in them, as we move towards practices that might suit our modern lives or “eco-consciousness” more. In Over My Dead Body, Melville examines these feelings. He shows us some newer, more ecological burial options, introducing us to cemeteries where one can be composted, or our graves marked only by trees.

My own choices

My spouse and I have had to think about these things a lot in the past few years, as we’ve handled our parents’ funeral arrangements and gravestones. It has made us think a lot about our own wishes. It’s something we still haven’t entirely figured out, especially as our closest loved ones aren’t exactly cemetery-goers themselves. Still, the two of us like the idea of feeling a bit rooted where our families lie. I’m not sure our daughter knew when she picked out the book how much it would play into my own musings about where (or even whether) I would like to be buried when the time came.

Learn more…

If you’re interested in Over My Dead Body, I’d highly recommend it. It’s a very enjoyable read, whether you’re just into cemeteries, or would like to learn more about the history of American cemeteries and burial practices. Or maybe some of your ancestors are buried in one or two of the featured locations. I get a small commission from any purchases made through my affiliate links – thank you! You can read user reviews or purchase Over My Dead Body at Amazon.

Reach out

Thanks for reading, and please feel free to reach out with comments or questions. This is the first post I’ve written in a long time, and am very happy to get back to it!

~ Nellie