A Wedding and a Divorce

The anniversary of my paternal grandparents’ wedding is approaching. Clarence Lee Brill and Josephine DeBaise were married on April 24th, 1935. Now, this event was not something that was actually celebrated by my grandparents anytime during my lifetime, because they had divorced only a few years later. After my grandmother asked my grandfather to leave, my grandfather moved out of Connecticut, enlisted in the US Navy, and eventually remarried and had another son; my grandmother raised my dad as a single mother, though with great assistance from her mother, her many sisters, and even her in-laws. Since the date was not celebrated, it wasn’t even noted or known by many, even their one child together, my father.

Errors in family record-keeping

In family history papers compiled by someone who had been there at the time, the wedding date had been recorded as April 14th. I kept this noted in my records for Lee and Josephine – I had it penciled in since there was no documentation at that point to support it, but given who had recorded it, it did seem likely to be accurate. After my grandmother passed away in 2011 I found in her own papers a record of it having been on the 24th. This was in her own handwriting, which I recognized. Obviously, since it was written in her own hand, I accepted the accuracy of this, but of course, one of the first things I learned doing genealogy was the importance of backing up facts with documents, so I sought these out… Through a search of newspaper archives I found the wedding announcement, which supported my grandmother’s personal record. After that discovery, I found the record indexed in Connecticut Marriage Records 1897-1968. Having the marriage certificate itself in hand would be ideal, but even without it I feel confident of the date. Interestingly, the date 4/24 coincides with my grandmother’s street address at the time of the wedding – I’ll likely never know if this was simply a coincidence or if she had for some reason chosen her wedding date to match her home address.

Did I need to back up my grandmother’s own record of her own wedding? Eh, well, perhaps others would not have bothered. But, perhaps someday someone else will be looking through these records, and will want to know that the date was not simply recorded from memory or best guess, but was actually recorded from documented fact.

Told and untold stories

What makes this particular event more interesting though is that there are divorce records as well. My grandparents’ divorce, unlike their wedding, was something my grandmother had talked about (you might even say, celebrated) – whether or not she really should have, to her young granddaughter 😀 Stories abounded about this short-lived marriage, told by her, some of her siblings, and cousins of my father old enough to have witnessed it. My grandmother’s marriage to my grandfather, and her subsequent separation and divorce from him, were the stuff of family legend. These were colorful stories about missed true love, regret, passion, a clashing of cultures, and Italian family drama. Since my grandfather himself never had a voice in this oral history, and never seemed to have uttered a word about it over many decades, I won’t elaborate here. Her regrets and grievances were well-known, and I imagine he had many himself. Anyway, a divorce announcement was made in the local newspaper – actually several notices were printed regarding the court process, and I found those records some years ago.

Who wants to know?

One might ask, who wants (or cares) to know the divorce details of their grandparents? Well, in my case, my grandparents’ short-lived marriage had, not surprisingly, a huge impact on my dad. That story is for another time, but it is enough to say that as I learned more about this relationship, I was able to share facts and details with my dad, who had never known some of these things. It brought him insight into his own history as well as his father’s, gave him some sense of comfort in knowing, and helped the rest of us learn more about Dad and his experiences growing up.

Recording the details of my grandparents’ divorce adds support to what’s written about their histories; their time together and their divorce are a vital part of both of their life stories as well. There was never any question that they did indeed divorce, but this serves as a bit of proof (which, in my opinion, is always good to have). The records also reflect exactly when the divorce took place, offering more than just being told, “when your dad was two or three…” etc. They can add light to the story of my dad’s childhood – when he first experienced life without his father, for example, and they can also act as clues as to when my grandfather moved back to Virginia, or when my grandmother and my dad moved as well. If I were looking for residence information for either of them, I would have a good idea of exactly when they may have been in new places. These are just a few basic ways these little newspaper notices can be utilized in my family research.

Important then, important today

It’s a little funny to be writing about my grandparents’ wedding anniversary that was not celebrated for more than a few years in the 1930s, as well as to be writing about their divorce. But these events ultimately were as significant as any marriage, in any family, only perhaps in a less typical way. This one relationship would be of immense significance to my father and who he would become, and the importance he would grow up to place on relationship. And thus, it has as well been formative for myself. If nothing else, the exploration of our family histories can certainly teach us much about ourselves, not just specifically who we are as individuals, but who we are as humans, and it can also show us how easily compassion arises when we learn others’ stories.

I think on Monday the 24th I will toast a thank you to my grandparents Lee and Josephine, for at least marrying and having my father, and I’ll toss in another thank you that while they had the wisdom to go their separate ways, they also each kept and continued the family connections that remain today.

Thanks for reading – as always, please feel free to reach out with questions or comments, or just to say hello.

~ Nellie

Image: by author; photos of my dad and grandparents in family collection; newspaper clippings from The Meriden Daily Journal (The Journal), Meriden, CT; April 1935, August 1940, and December 1940.